I felt sick this morning, so I decided to stay home. While I was laying in my bed, this idea popped up in my head, so I typed it all out. This is a fact sheet to take care of me. Like those fact sheet things that they have at pet stores.
Mornings:
While Christi may be a morning person, she is often tired and mentally unprepared for the upcoming day. That is why it is imperative that she has coffee. One or two cups will usually suffice, but be careful when she exceeds that amount. It could result in your entire family wishing to see a therapist.
After Christi has received her coffee, the awakening process will be complete and she will be the sweetest person you have ever met (except when provoked - see section titled "Daytime"). She will also think rationally and be somewhat intelligent.
Daytime:
Christi does not enjoy school in any way. Because of this, she will often come home looking for something to satisfy her sweet tooth (chocolate works the best) and something to distract her (such as a video game or book). She is introverted and may want some time to herself. If she wants to be around someone, it will most likely be her cat.
If you would like to keep Christi in the good mood she had since she got coffee, do not talk about things such as politics, country and American pop, math, decaf coffee, glitter, sewing, or the Twilight saga. This will enrage her and she will come out of her shell and begin to rant about her hatred for those things, something that is inescapable. If you try to leave, she will follow. If you tune her out, she will make sure you listen. Similarly, it is wise to not bring up things she likes, such as music, writing, marching band, cooking, languages, reading, exercising, Office Depot, cats, My Little Pony, etc.; she will rant on those topics too. She prides herself in the time that she talked her poor mother's ear off on the way to the Denver International Airport on trumpet mouthpieces. It is also best that you don't bring up things that make her sad, such as an animal dying; certain scenes in books, movies, video games, and TV shows; and other various things. If you do not want a lengthy conversation with her, we suggest talking about something neutral like curtains or phone cords.
Christi does not like to be disturbed when concentrating on something. This could be when she has both earbuds in her ears or when she's listening to music alone, reading, writing, practicing trumpet, failing miserably at piano, or doing a boss battle. If you do so, she will keep her friendly demeanor, but inside, she is thinking of the most torturous way she will make you her next horcrux. She is like a Remlit in the way that she appears to be innocent but really isn't (especially when she's been without coffee). She is proud to be sarcastic, morbid, and sadistic and loves schadenfreude. She is not, however, perverted like most of her friends. If you ever make the mistake of doing this, flee to another country or talk to her about something she likes. We advised against this earlier, but if you allow her to talk about it, she will forget about you and you will most likely get to live.
Nighttime:
If Christi lived in her own brain, her bedtime routine would include taking a hot bath while reading a book, drinking some tea, cuddling with her many cats, and finally settling down in her bed in her room where she can open the roof up to see the many stars and listen to the wind and crickets chirping. But because she is low on time and money, this is not possible for her. What she does instead is simply go to her room about an hour before her bedtime or so and do as she pleases until she falls asleep.
If it is raining, she will go outside and dance in it. Do not be alarmed if you hear the door opening and closing and laughter. A rainy night is the best night for her.
Do:
-Encourage her.
-Give constructive criticism.
-Leave her alone when she wants to be left alone.
-Remember that she is socially awkward, ditzy, physically clumsy (is there such a thing as mentally clumsy? We think so.), and has self-diagnosed ADHD. She may do stupid things because of those things. Only the most patient people have the capacity to deal with her.
Don't:
-Ask to see her writing unless you are a family member or fellow writer that she loves and trusts.
-Play country music, American pop, or anything by Avril Lavigne. Your iPod/CD player/whatever will be broken in ten seconds flat (obscure reference FTW) and she will not pay for it.
-Tell her to go to a party, dance, etc. She won't go anywhere that has people she doesn't know and large crowds of her own free will. The one exception was homecoming.
-Do what we said not to do.
-Give her frosting.
-Talk about boys as anything more than friends. She's not looking for a relationship and never will.
-Similarly: Don't try to set her up on a blind date. (This is for you, Shelby!)
-Say something dirty around her. This may lead her to going into shock or being incredibly angry (may God have mercy on your soul if it's the latter). Either way, she can only be revived by coffee, chocolate, or good music.
-Give her something that has lots of glitter, leopard print, or is pink or orange. This will have the same result as the above.
-Try to explain math, fashion, or the twisted logic of our current president to her. This will result in a blank stare and silence (yes, you heard correctly).
No comments:
Post a Comment