I loved Florida the moment I laid eyes on it. I loved the warmth, the hotel room (two TVs - we barely even had time to watch TV!), the pool... everything. As much as I love Colorado, it was definitely a nice change. Different scenery and weather. I was more than excited to just relax and get away.
The first couple of days were really relaxing. On Monday, we flew in, got settled into our rooms, and hung out. I went with some friends down to the pool and we chilled out there for a bit. Then the second group (the band was divided into two groups for flights and buses) arrived, and we all went to Downtown Disney for dinner. Though there were some things on my mind, I still had a good time eating my wrap, listening to street performers, and looking around, making a mental list of places I'd have to check out later.
The next day is when the true fun began. We all woke up bright and early and headed over to Magic Kingdom. It was hot as heck, but I preferred being out in the sunshine (probably because I was born and raised in California for eleven years), even if it did require using plenty of sunscreen and drinking a ton of water. I was a bit stressed because my friend couldn't get in with us because her ticket wasn't working, but I still had a good time on several rides. After that, we all went backstage, where they had to tell us to turn off our cell phones and cameras because they didn't want other people seeing what it was like. We then got into our uniforms, warmed up, and then marched in the parade in the Magic Kingdom. Let me tell you, that was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had in band. Not only were the conditions perfect - it was night, so it wasn't hot, and it was the shortest parade I've ever marched - but the sight was incredible. There is nothing like marching out and seeing the castle all lit up in its full glory. This is just one of the many things that makes me pity people who aren't in band. The cool thing is that later, it turned out that there was an estimated 75,000 present. And there were people that we didn't know taking pictures and videos of us. How cool is that?
Later, we all got out of our uniforms and packed our stuff away, then rushed out so that we could go watch the fireworks. I went off with two friends with whom I hadn't spent time before, and they were both really sweet to me. One of them bought me lemonade, a gesture that I found very touching. After that, we all watched the fireworks together and headed back to the hotel to rest up for another long day.
I mention this to show that I had never anticipated what would happen the next morning.
I woke up early, asked one of my roommates if she wanted to shower, and headed for the bathroom after she said no. Now here's the thing: there are parts of that morning that I don't remember. I remember going to the bathroom and being in such a rush that I didn't turn the light on. It was for that reason that I also hadn't locked the door. The next thing I knew, I was being loaded into an ambulance. It scared me a little; I mean, I was being carried into an ambulance and I had no idea what was going on. It was also dark outside, so I thought it was nighttime, even though it was just early in the morning. I was wondering if something had happened and if I'd missed a good portion of the day or something like that. After I was loaded inside, a paramedic sat down by me. On the way over, he looked down at me and asked, "Do you remember what happened?"
"No," I answered warily. How would I know? The only thing I could remember was waking up and going to the bathroom, then searching for a door in the dark. He then nonchalantly filled me in on what had happened: I had had a seizure and was headed for the hospital.
It was hard to believe. I'm not epileptic, and I always thought that seizures were only caused by sensitivity to strobe or rapidly flashing lights. So a seizure had to be impossible. Had to. But I was wheeled into a room and asked questions, so reality had begun to kind of set in on me. The doctors made me do a pregnancy test, X-rays, and a CT scan, and finally released me after five and a half hours, along with another student whom they believed to be dehydrated despite the fact that he'd had a ton of water. We were taken to the hotel, where I quickly changed and grabbed my stuff, and then headed off to Epcot.
I got to enjoy the rest of the day with my friends. My band director was even kind enough to change the time for the meet-up to do the group photo so that we could be in it. Other than a soreness in my jaw and neck and my lip swelling to the size of a grapefruit (I actually tried to use lipstick to cover up the bruising), I felt completely fine, so I was able to walk around normally and go have fun. But the day after that, when I went to Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios, I found out that I couldn't do a lot of rides because the doctors believed something - a strobe light, the jerking of a ride, whatever - could trigger another seizure.
I have to admit, it made me want to stop my feet and throw a tantrum like a two-year-old.
I texted chaperones until I finally found one willing to hang out with me while my friends did rides that I couldn't do. At first, I was pretty upset. Why do my friends get to go off and do what they want? I wondered. It's not like I'll have another seizure anyway. I feel like I'm being babysat. But the chaperone I hung out with was really nice and sweet and I just felt like I could tell her anything. So I ended up having a lot of fun, more fun than I thought I would. She even made a nice gesture and paid for my overpriced iced mocha.
I headed off to Hollywood Studios early with a small group of people. I managed to have a good time there also; one friend split a funnel cake with me (she paid for that, even though I was planning on splitting the cost with her - that makes three people who were generous with their money); I rode some gentle rides with some friends; I made a friend there after he approached me and told me he liked my hoodie; and my friend and I auditioned for the American Idol Experience, a smaller version of the true American Idol. We asked two chaperones to be there with us, as we weren't allowed to do it because we're minors, and then went in and did it. I went into a small room with one judge, sang the chorus of I Walk Alone by Tarja, and got some positive feedback (the woman told me that I need more confidence and that I need to emulate more of a pop or rock style - I'm apparently too classical). It'd been a pretty good day.
After Wednesday, it was smooth sailing. No more seizures. On Friday, we headed to Cocoa Beach, then returned to Downtown Disney, where we saw a Cirque du Soleil show and then broke off into groups again. With some friends, I had a pretzel for dinner, danced around to a guy playing guitar and didgeridoo (check him out - he is seriously really talented!), which got us the title of the Colorado Dancing Troupe, bought a new dress, and got to talk to a German guy. As you may or may not know, I am trying to learn German, and I know German people, but I just got really excited when I found him. My friends and I were outside the Lego store; I had started playing around with some of the Legos in one of the little tubs, trying to see what I could create, when I heard a man speaking to his two kids in German. One thing I loved about Florida was all the English accents that I kept hearing, but that was the first time I'd heard someone talking in German. So I put the Legos down and said, "Bitte, sprechst du Deutsch?" Excuse me, do you speak German? In my excitement, I guess I'd forgotten to be more formal to him and use Sie instead of du, but he chuckled and responded, "Ja, genug." Yes, enough. From there, we had a small conversation (I'd made another error; he'd asked if I was taking a German class and I answered, "nein, ich habe ein Buch" when I should have said, "nein, ich habe einen Buch"), and after a minute, he spoke to me in English. Probably because he could see I was struggling. But I was still really grateful that he took the time to talk to me in German despite my mistakes and despite the fact that he was probably pressed for time. He even explained to me how their school system works when I asked (I love learning about how schools in other countries differ from ours - I could probably go off on a rant about how Finnish schools are far superior to those here in the U.S.). I know it sounds silly, but that just made me so incredibly happy. I can't even explain the level of gratitude I felt to him simply for talking to me.
On Saturday, we flew home and I went to bed that night, grateful to be back in my own bed, where everything was nice and familiar. The next day, we went to church and then back home, where I relaxed for a bit before meeting with my friend and roommate. My mom and I wanted to ask her some questions, as I have an appointment with a neurologist soon, and we were still missing some details. Despite the fact that we're all a bit confused on what happened, she was able to give us some answers. Apparently, I headed over to the bathroom, but I tripped and fell on the way (though this was before the seizure, I don't remember it at all). My friend asked me if I was okay, and I'd said yes and continued to the bathroom. She said that she heard moaning and assumed I was singing, but came in after a moment to find me leaning over the bathtub, convulsing. She then screamed at my friends to go get the nurse, who came in and pulled me out. My friend told me that I was apparently really stiff, had wide eyes, and was really dazed and confused. The nurse called my name, but I apparently only responded with, "What?" I remember what happened from there - being loaded into an ambulance and heading to Epcot - but then she told me that throughout the day and the day after that, I still seemed confused, not being able to recall certain things. She told me that I'd asked her what the time was and that I'd asked her again a few minutes later. But she also informed me that I seemed fine on Friday - less confusion.
Here's the thing that struck me. From what my friends told me, the circumstances could have been much different. If I'd locked the door like I usually do, then my friend definitely would have had a much harder time getting to me, and if I'd started running the shower water like I usually do, I could have drowned - for whatever reason, the bathtub was plugged. But they were able to find me with ease, and obviously, I'm not dead.
Once again, these are the signs of God working in my life.
You may have heard the saying, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have left." Which is true, in a way. But I've discovered something to be truer: you never know how much you need the Lord until something happens to you and holding onto Him with a viselike grip is the only option you have left. No, I'm not saying that I have a terrible life or anything. I am very blessed to have the life I have and am grateful I'm not in someone else's shoes. But that's not to say I haven't faced difficult times. Who hasn't? I remember the time that I was having panic attacks and dreading nighttime because that's when the fear heightened. I remember the time where I wondered if taking my life would be a good solution to my problems. I even remember getting picked on by this girl back in middle school, a relatively small situation. And you know what? My only choice through those things was to pray and trust that God would work everything together. My friends and family offered me support through these things, but I don't know where I would be without God. I can imagine, but I don't think I want to.
It amazes me that I get to use this as a testimony. I've been able to tell people how God has shaped my life and how He brought me through some difficult things. This is just another example. I've told people how, if it weren't for God, the way this all turned out could have been very different. I am just so amazed. Sometimes, it's easy to forget who I am. It's easy to just feel down and to think of myself as just another face in the crowd. I'd like to think of this as a reminder that no one is just another face. Everyone plays a part in this world. You're probably sitting there thinking, Christi, what does your seizure have to do with who has an impact on the world?
Simply put, God uses His people to reach to others. People may have gifts that they are able to use. The members of one of my favorite bands, Demon Hunter, are all Christians. Through their lyrics, they are able to reach out to people and share the Gospel. Others may have experiences that they are able to use. That is what I believe God is using me for. I have been able to tell people how God has changed my life, which is something incredibly mind-blowing to me. The King of the universe is using me - me - to further advance His kingdom. That's the thing reminding me that I'm not just another face in the crowd. I am an ambassador for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I get to be called to serve Him. It's a thought that brings tears to my eyes because it's just something too difficult for me to comprehend.
So that's the reason why I'm grateful for this seizure. Even though it's something small that happened to me, God is using it for something. I'm not quite sure what yet, but I have a good feeling about it. We'll just have to wait and see.
